Saturday, February 13, 2010

Suggest a Friend Facebook, Please

“Don’t eat the meat loaf.”
“Give it a little more gas.”
“Just get a running start and you’ll cleat that, no problem.”

Everywhere you look, someone is always at hand to offer a friendly suggestion.  Why should the world’s premier social networking platform be any different?  Indeed, anyone who has spent any time at all on Facebook has noticed the two helpful suggestions on the right hand side of the page, constantly offered by the robotic overlords of Facebook.  Since these cybernetic controllers spend most of their time devising new and less intuitive user interfaces, it is actually quite amazing that they also have time to suggest ways to enrich your experience.  But they do!

For those that have never noticed the Suggestions area (are you legally blind?), it functions as the equivalent of over anxious parents desperate to ensure their child is in the cool crowd.  “Buffy seems nice, you should be her friend.”  “ Fred seems new, you should help him find some friends.”  “You haven’t talked to James in a while, you should spray paint something on the Wall outside his house.”  These helicopter parents watch your every move and pray that you’ll hit it off with everyone and that your friend basket will spilleth over.  Only then will their dreams be realized and fulfilled.

In reality, the Suggestions area seems like a hodgepodge of strange and / or bad advice.  It seems as if you followed it, you’d soon be friends with your entire high school graduating class, even that guy who picked on you in elementary school and forced you to eat your own boogers on the playground in front of the girl that you “really liked.”  Or something like that.  Seriously, what purpose does it serve?  If you were able to sign up for the site, you should be able to figure out how to connect with people that you are interested in (or mildly curious about) and converse with them in some way – even if only through tracking random status updates.  And you should be able to figure that our all on your own.  Do I need Facebook to tell me how to do that?

What if I did?  Maybe I should follow those suggestions.  Maybe I should really follow the instructions BECAUSE FACEBOOK TOLD ME TO – it’s Facebook’s site after all, it really should know the best way to use it.

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