Quick Facebook Tip

If ever faced with being tasked by Facebook to suggest a profile pic of someone for whom you have no pictures, there is a simple, yet elegant solution.  As a public service I provide it to you:

1) Copy that persons full name as it appears on Facebook.
2) Go to Google Image search and paste it in the search field - click search.
3) Save the first image returned and upload it as the profile suggestion.
Ta da!

If you really want to have a rip roaring time, turn the "Safe Search" off - who knows what will show up then...

And now you know . . .
*Cue falling star and promo music*

Oh Alma Mater, thee we hail . . .

Past couple nights, I've had to sneak up on Facebook to get it to give up the goods and hand over those sweet, sweet suggestions that I crave.  Each night, I've found suggestions in more unusual spots, but less and less on that front page.  I am confident that the more we plunge into this abyss, however, the more plentiful the suggestions will become.  Facebook has to be conglomerating what my friends are fans of and then suggesting those things and their friends to me.  If so, once it hits the tipping point, there will be more and more material for it to draw from and, hence, no need to hide suggestions from me.  Instead, they'll pour out of the status box like a stampede of lemmings heading for the cliff.

Speaking of lemmings, and the birds of prey that eat them, I've been friending a lot of WDHS Eagle Alumni so far and I'm starting to wonder when I'll hit the wall.  My graduating class was about 180 people, and I had already friended quite a few of them before I started this run.  Oh, I'm really curious how many I have friended at this point . . .

RESEARCH BREAK

Okay, I got up to the mid forties and then realized that I'm not even sure which of these people were even in my graduating class.  This is going to take some old fashioned book research.  Now where did I stash that yearbook?

Back in the Saddle

And we are back! 

Since my wife has become a vampire (and not the sparkly Twilight kind - she's out all night, comes home covered in blood, and doesn't seem to like the sun), I didn't get a chance to hit Facebook last night.  I logged in tonight knowing I need to do some catching up, but worried there would be no suggestions to follow.  Those worries were baseless - I made it through two sessions of friends and fanning things with no hitches.  Glad to see you back Facebook, where were you?

The fan pages are getting more and more obscure; I became a fan tonight of stuff that I'm not even sure what it is.  For instance, want to guess what "My Baby Vintage, Inc. - Christy Tharp" is?  Go ahead take a shot.  I'm looking at it's fan page and I still don't know what I'm looking at - trunk shows?  Huh?  Okay, I went to their website, and I think it's like a Tupperware party for children's clothes.  Their motto is "A piece of yesteryear for the hip child of today."  And apparently, yesteryear was all about the camouflage cargo pants.

I'm also now a fan of Holland "Master Caster" Striplin - who appears to be some sort of casting director for reality shows.  From the comments, it looks like casting is going full bore for the Biggest Loser.  An aside on that, I can NOT watch that show (not that I watch much TV anyway) - the weigh in takes like thirty minutes.

Host: Contest #2 you're weigh in is next, after this commercial.
*three commercials*
[Contest #2 approaches scale]
*two commercials*
[Contest #2 gets on scale, cut to shocked teammates, cut to]
*four commercials*
Host: Welcome back . . .

ARGH!  Just weigh them allready.  How can people watch that?

On the friend side, just more high school alumni - that well has to dry up at some point.  Right?

Houston - we need more suggestions.

I expected hiccups and problems to abound, but come on Facebook - you're stumped after a week and a half.  Seriously?  The good news is the experiment continues.  Let me expound on what's happening, however.

I logged onto Facebook and had one, ONE(!), measly suggestion waiting for me (a reconnection for those interested), but before I decided to deal with it, I answered a message that was waiting and a couple of friend requests.  When I returned to start handling suggestions, it was empty.  Yes, I was as shocked and outraged as you are right now.  Fortunately, I had two friend suggested groups/pages to check out.  So I happily decided that they were getting some of my unrequited love.  But then, lo and behold, a ray of sunshine came through my basement window, at 11 pm, and bounced off a wall or two to illuminate four new friend suggestions from Facebook sitting on the notifications page.

I have to pause here because, frankly, I'm absolutely befuddled at Facebook's motivations here.  If you had more friends to suggest, why are you hiding them up your sleeve?  Put them on my page, let me be more popular - why must you make me hunt for these things?  Why Facebook, why?

So, after a high school acquaintance I recognized, I went on to friend someone shooting me the double bird in their profile picture and then two people without profile pics whose names I honestly do not recognize at all.  So here I sit, with that double F! You! burnt in my retinas thinking about how low I'm sinking (after only ten days mind you) and wondering where this experiment will finally lead. 

For some reason I can't get that scene from Trainspotting out of my head (you know the one - if you don't, you still don't want to click that link) and the funny thing is, I've never even see Trainspotting.

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The end of the world as we know it.

I diligently logged onto Facebook Monday afternoon and hit my suggestions like a good little worker bee.

Little Sprouts Boutique Consignment Sale - of course I'll be a fan of that!

Wild Cow Vegetarian Restaurant - I don't know where it is or what they serve, but I'll surely be a fan.

And then the unthinkable occurred.

FACEBOOK OFFERED NO MORE SUGGESTIONS.

Huh?  What's going on here?  Why aren't you telling me something to do Facebook?  How can I possibly function without your benevolent guiding hand and best intentions.

I'm adrift in a sea of friends, fan pages and Farmville status updates and I've nothing to do.  Is this the end of my experiment?  So Soon?

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

I'll be the first to admit that after a solid start, I kind of dropped the ball. But fear not true believers - I have tackled the Facebook beast and have friended and fanned furiously to catch up and get current. I'll save you the mundane friending (not that you are mundane, oh new friends that have stumbled onto this blog) and hit the high-(low?)-lights.

But before I do, I have to say that one week in and my profile page is starting to get useless - who knew that becoming a fan of proud Irish folk would result in dozens of You Tube links to Celtic-punk skaa mash ups?? Who knew there were dozens of these things out there. Hmmmm... maybe I should start watching those and pick you all a good one. You deserve it.

No further delays, here you go:

• Tuesday - I dropped my mom at the airport and had a chance to get on FB after coming home and the first suggestion?  Reconnect with my mom - send her a message.  Wha?  Come on, I just dropped her off twenty minutes ago.  I, of course, complied.  I'm sure she appreciated the message about the uneventful drive home.

• Twice this week, I've been tasked with Facebook's job - suggest friends for some of my current friends.  Now don't get me wrong, if I catch Fiddler on the Roof on PBS, I'll stop and watch, but I really don't want to be a match maker for every one of the people I'm friending lately.  I also don't want to have Matchmaker in my head all day, but I believe I now will.  "Find me a find, catch me a catch . . ."

• I just fanned something called Whiskey Revival.  I have no idea what that is.  I hope it gets along with the Department of Justice because they'll now be sharing posting space on my wall.

• Someone Facebook told me to friend last week denied my request (all together, "awwwww.") - how do I know this?  Because Facebook told me to friend them again tonight!  "I don't think he likes me Facebook."  "Nonsense, whether you want to crack a nut or friend someone you barely talked to in high school, the key is persistence!"

• Finally, you haven't experienced Facebook until your perusing your friend list trying to find some friends for your mom.  

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker - Look through your book, And make me a perfect match"

Kiss me (apparently) I'm (now) Irish!

After last night's less than interesting friending (yes, it's now a verb) of two people from my high schools years and a couple of mandated messages to catch up with some friends, I was starting to think that this could be the most boring experiment since my seventh grade science project to see which battery lasted the longest (where was the control? WHERE WAS THE CONTROL?). Wrong. Facebook had some tailored made Suggestions just for me.

First I friended (see you can even use it in the past tense) another high school acquaintance, only to have Facebook challenge me with a new pop up. I assumed it wanted me to suggest some friends for Guy Noir (not his real name, duh!) because he was new to Facebook or something. Wrong - Facebook suggested that I suggest people for Facebook to suggest become friends with Guy. Wha? Come again . . . you mean I HAVE TO COME UP WITH THE FINELY CRAFTED FACEBOOK SUGGESTIONS?!? How lazy are you Facebook overlord that you are relying on me to help you with your job? Where is your sense of pride and puritan work ethic that got you to where you are today? Now I have to not only follow your suggestions but do your work for you. But since you Suggested I do so, I gladly complied.

Then, seeing as how I am of Germanic and Italian descent, Facebook deemed it appropriate for me to become a fan of "Im (sic) Irish and Proud! Become a fan and help us reach 1,000,000" - so for no apparent reason I'm suddenly drinking heavily and looking for a fight (I kid, I kid!). But serious, what is Facebook thinking? Does it Suggest this stuff because my friends are selecting it and I'll be more popular if I do what my friends do? Is it ensuring that I'm one of the cool kids, pretending to be Irish, and waiting for Saint Patty's Day. Hmmmm... that would be a great excuse to find a sitter and paint the town red green next month . . . maybe Facebook does know what it's doing. Who's up for some green beer?

'Tis no man, 'tis a remorseless suggesting machine

Nothing much to report on Day One, but figured I should log a post so that my thousands of followers won't be disappointed I get into the habit of doing this somewhat regularly. After only one day, however, I am afraid that the machine can never be stopped - I followed the top suggestion and it was IMMEDIATELY replaced by another. No pause or thought required - how can I compete against this?

For the procedurally oriented out there, I've decided to follow the Suggestions top -> bottom -> top -> bottom. Although when FB has me reconnect with someone, it takes me to their page and then I have to navigate back to my own. This doesn't seem to change the suggestions, so that's good.

Of the two new people I attempted to friend - I actually knew both and was interested in reconnecting to find out what was going on with one of them. Hmmmmm . . . maybe FB knows what the heck it's doing after all.

In the Beginning

I thought about when I should start this social experiment and realized that there is no other answer besides February 14th. It's a day BUILT around societal expectations. What could be better?

So I begin tomorrow, but before I do, I figured some stats were in order. You know, to science this up a little bit.

Friend Count: 242 Friends
Page Count: 11 Pages
Group Count: 1 Group

I know groups get suggested sometimes, not sure about pages, but included them for posterity. See you on the other side!

A Man, A Plan, A Canal

The plan is pretty simple. I’m going to become a complete lemming to the whims and demands of Facebook. The Suggestions area will be my Rosetta stone, teaching me all there is to know about the wonders and secrets I’ve yet to unlock. I will be the envy and wonder of all my peers – all those who friend me will bow down to the SUPREME RULER OF THE FACEBOOK UNIVERSE. I will have one utterly random and cluttered profile that will make no sense.

After doing some research, my Google-fu has found that half the users of Facebook log into their accounts once a day. So that will be rule one:
Log in to my Facebook page once a day.

Further probing has found that the average person spends approximately 50 minutes on the site per day. Whoa Nelly! That seems a little steep. If I spend that much time following the Suggestions that Facebook offers, surely it will run out of good advice any advice in about two days, right? Ok rule two:
I will follow through on four (4) suggestions offered by Facebook each day.

I think that’s the extent of my idea. From there I’ll just let the hilarity develop and happen on it’s own. Oh – how long am I going to do this? Well, let’s aim for a year. Why? That’s what all the cool kids seem to do – A Year without ‘Made in China’, A Year Living the Bible, ‘Not Buying It’ – My Year without Shopping, The Year I Stopped Drinking Liquid and Eating Solids (incomplete). Will I make it that far? Who knows. I don’t even know if Facebook can suggest things for that long – maybe I’ll reach the end of the Internet and can call it a day around July 26th.

And contrary to suggestions otherwise, I’m going to use my “regular” Facebook profile for this. Some friends suggested a pseudonym but I don’t think that would be authentic. If Facebook wants me to friend someone, it’s probably because I know them and if I use some random name, well then I probably won’t get any return love and then the whole thing could collapse on itself. Then I thought of creating an alternative identity with my same name, but that seemed like too much effort and probably against some “Terms and Conditions” somewhere. So I’m going to defecate all over my real profile – huzzah! Farmtown here I come.

Suggest a Friend Facebook, Please

“Don’t eat the meat loaf.”
“Give it a little more gas.”

“Just get a running start and you’ll cleat that, no problem.”

Everywhere you look, someone is always at hand to offer a friendly suggestion.  Why should the world’s premier social networking platform be any different?  Indeed, anyone who has spent any time at all on Facebook has noticed the two helpful suggestions on the right hand side of the page, constantly offered by the robotic overlords of Facebook.  Since these cybernetic controllers spend most of their time devising new and less intuitive user interfaces, it is actually quite amazing that they also have time to suggest ways to enrich your experience.  But they do!

For those that have never noticed the Suggestions area (are you legally blind?), it functions as the equivalent of over anxious parents desperate to ensure their child is in the cool crowd.  “Buffy seems nice, you should be her friend.”  “ Fred seems new, you should help him find some friends.”  “You haven’t talked to James in a while, you should spray paint something on the Wall outside his house.”  These helicopter parents watch your every move and pray that you’ll hit it off with everyone and that your friend basket will spilleth over.  Only then will their dreams be realized and fulfilled.

In reality, the Suggestions area seems like a hodgepodge of strange and / or bad advice.  It seems as if you followed it, you’d soon be friends with your entire high school graduating class, even that guy who picked on you in elementary school and forced you to eat your own boogers on the playground in front of the girl that you “really liked.”  Or something like that.  Seriously, what purpose does it serve?  If you were able to sign up for the site, you should be able to figure out how to connect with people that you are interested in (or mildly curious about) and converse with them in some way – even if only through tracking random status updates.  And you should be able to figure that our all on your own.  Do I need Facebook to tell me how to do that?

What if I did?  Maybe I should follow those suggestions.  Maybe I should really follow the instructions BECAUSE FACEBOOK TOLD ME TO – it’s Facebook’s site after all, it really should know the best way to use it.